What are the Basics? We'll first off you need to make sure your priorities are straight. Defuse the myths, and understand the realities, the pure facts from the get go. Some people may consider this being negative, but I believe someone could have prepared me better for what actually was going to occur and laid out the height of emotional and factual realities in order to deal with them. I'll expand on these in the following chapters.
Since you're the step mom it's natural to assume your husband is the one with the biological kids.
Therefore you're first priority under God is your husband, as you should be his first priority as well. Secondly it's your kids, all of them equally, and thirdly is your family and friends, so on and so forth. Now if you have done any research on step mothering you will get a truck load of advice from all corners of the globe and much of it ends up contradicting each other.
My opinion is simply that, my opinion. I may ruffle feathers and fuel debates, but from my experience and grueling lessons learned with much thought and study, I believe my opinions matter.
First, you have to understand the REALITY of the world in which we live. It does not compare to the world culture of the bibilical times. The reality is that, sadly, the culture we live in is a feministic, liberal socitey! Women are strong, intelligent creatures who handle everything and receive all the praise and honor and quite a bit of pity from society for having to deal with messes they have largely created through their decisions to take the God given MALE role away from men and be "equal" or better than any man. After touching on reality, well move forward to the myths.
Myth # 1. Loving your step kids like your own will bring everyone together.
Myth #2. If you befriend the child/children's biological mom, everything will run smoothly.
Myth # 3. Make everything as easy as possible for the kids, "they are the #1 Priority".
Myth #4. Having more children after the divorce only creates more issues.
Myth #5 Telling the truth is always best.
Friday, August 12, 2011
New Beginnings
Starting this blog, is really my book.
This book is not a 'cure all', a 'how to' or your solution book. It is simply my thoughts, ideas, frustrations and examples of what helped me and hurt me as a step mom. I read heavily on this subject before becoming a step mom, and while somewhat helpful, the books and articles I read, never captured the realistic struggles, the emotional battles, and simplistic joys that come with the role of step mothering. And maybe my book won't either, but at least it may help others not fall into the traps I did. The Bible has many situations in it involving blended families, but it is hard to mix issues and cultures of that era comparatively to the present day we live in. But it can be seen clearly why God hates divorce and broken families, it was not by His design, it creates much confusion and heartache, but He does bless those who seek Him and seek the wisdom and understanding He will give. Once something is broken, you can try to put it back together, but there are pieces that can never fully be mended. But God promises comfort.
In someway I hope this book may guide the readers journey of step mothering into having a better experience than I did. I had to learn many things the hard way, when if I had been guided better, it would have had a different outcome in many situations. Every blended family situation is different so there can't possibly be one book that covers it all, but there seem to be some basic issues that most step mom's encounter. I didn't find any help in these areas and this is what I plan on revealing through out this book. So get ready to take some notes, get some kleenex and be ready to laugh as well, while I take you through my journey thus far.
This book is not a 'cure all', a 'how to' or your solution book. It is simply my thoughts, ideas, frustrations and examples of what helped me and hurt me as a step mom. I read heavily on this subject before becoming a step mom, and while somewhat helpful, the books and articles I read, never captured the realistic struggles, the emotional battles, and simplistic joys that come with the role of step mothering. And maybe my book won't either, but at least it may help others not fall into the traps I did. The Bible has many situations in it involving blended families, but it is hard to mix issues and cultures of that era comparatively to the present day we live in. But it can be seen clearly why God hates divorce and broken families, it was not by His design, it creates much confusion and heartache, but He does bless those who seek Him and seek the wisdom and understanding He will give. Once something is broken, you can try to put it back together, but there are pieces that can never fully be mended. But God promises comfort.
In someway I hope this book may guide the readers journey of step mothering into having a better experience than I did. I had to learn many things the hard way, when if I had been guided better, it would have had a different outcome in many situations. Every blended family situation is different so there can't possibly be one book that covers it all, but there seem to be some basic issues that most step mom's encounter. I didn't find any help in these areas and this is what I plan on revealing through out this book. So get ready to take some notes, get some kleenex and be ready to laugh as well, while I take you through my journey thus far.
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