REALITY CHECK

From the time a young boy in America is put into daycare, or Pre-school, his life is forever changed by entering a world in which he is no longer given his role declared by God. He will be challenged left and right through his entire 12 years of schooling and extended years at college, that women are equal to him. He will be told girls are just the same as boys. He'll be scolded for saying or even thinking otherwise. He'll have parents, teachers, faculty, media, books, newspapers, magazines, infiltrating his mind that girls are just as strong, just as smart, just as able to handle anything that a man can handle. And like so many magazines, newspapers and TV media outlets, the boys will constantly hear or read not only how girls are equal, but how much better women are than men. (Now before to many of you women out there throw this book into the trash, please understand what I am saying. I do believe women are smart, strong and capable. I believe we have endurance like no man created. That's because we're women! To try and compare women to men is ridiculous. We are not equal to them. They are certainly not equal to us. Men could never handle birth, the intense lack of sleep and personal time women severely lack through the process of raising kids. Men as a whole, cannot hold children in their arms as long as women can because their muscles were not formed the same way women's are. Therefore we are stronger in some areas. And even if we could do it all, that is not the orderly world that God ordained for male and female. There is a reason God put things in order. Like it or not, we are under the authority of man. This is not meant to be a degrading or sexist or a demeaning system. God put this in place to protect and preserve the role of a woman, so we would be the ones helping to keep the world in order. No one was created more fitted to be with a man, than a woman. It is the most honorable position. I am sick of the feminists spitting on the wondrous, unselfish role that we were given. That being said;)
Then we have sports in which girls are always allowed to go against the boys. The boys are taunted by the girls to get them if they can. Hit them if they can. Girls tease the boy that they are better than him, stronger than him, and can do anything he can. The boys are teased if they can't run as fast, hit as far, or preform as well. The boys are made to feel weak, rejected, less of who they are supposed to be. Yet, when these boys strike out against a girl, or in their teen years elbow a teenage girl in her breast while playing basketball, or young adulthood hit their girlfriend or wife, these boys, teens and men, are scoffed at, ridiculed and punished for being a domineering wife beater, the abusive boyfriend, the jerk at the playground. Well folks, men have fights all the time, since boyhood, they get into fights. Why is it wrong to hit a girl? If all they have been told is how equal and better that a woman is than a man, why do you expect them to understand it's wrong to hit a girl? It's been ingrained into their very being that women are nothing other than a guy with a different private part. Why do we have such an enormous problem with domestic violence? Every year it's worse. Because women are no longer a thing to be protected, treasured, and preserved. They are an equal beast taunting a boy, a teen, a man, that they are just the same. So in this screwed up culture, we have "justice systems" that are based on this insane society view. Mothers are everything, Fathers are nothing. And I do understand they're are a lot of "dead beat dad's" out there. But congratulate the feminist movement for making that continuously possible. Women don't need men. They can handle everything on their own, they're independent, successful career women...with a court order to receive child support of course from the lousy father, which takes nearly a third or more of his paycheck each week. And if they don't receive child support, the man can go to jail, and the woman again is praised and pitied for going through such a tough time. I understand that there are evil men who do evil things and create situations that the woman had nothing to do with. But there are also a great many fathers who are under this feminised liberal regime that strips them of their parental rights even if there is no divorce. A man in marriage today is supposed to support his wife in doing whatever career she wants in order to provide them with the lifestyle they want. Equal partners. 50/50. No more male leadership, no more head of the household, no more sole provider, protector. The woman has stripped him of these titles, yet when he doesn't provide enough, according to her, when he doesn't protect enough, come home enough, or when he fights back when provoked by her constant and unrelenting taunts, he becomes a worthless, loser of a husband. And a pathetic, un-involved father. I know this because, I married one. Some people say it's because he changed between the first marriage and second, that's why he's so much better in a relationship now with me. Well, there is an element of truth to that, truth being he is better, and he did learn some lessons. But if I was taunting, nagging, provoking, he would react no differently toward me. I know this because on 3 occasions I provoked my husband. I saw the "monster" the first wife claimed him to be. It didn't take me long to understand the buttons I could not push. He did not strike me or anything of that nature. But I literally brought out the worst in him when it came to taking away his God given authority, especially where the children were concerned. Biblically the father is head of the home, the provider, protector, and leader. That is how God created males to be. By design they have this desire to conqueror, to provide and be king of his castle. It unfortunately is being beaten out of our sons as the grow up in this world and it does not jive with our American feminist culture or our court systems. Thus the first battle is learning that the reality of our world will never again be in line with the Bible. We can only control our small world at home and live things out as best and righteously as we can, fighting the good fight, hoping to receive a just outcome. As a stepmom, you will be on the front lines. It's important to be well learned, and schooled in the areas of facts and myths. Learn your state laws, what rights the fathers have, and petition to improve them. Lets get "equality" for Fathers rights.

Basics

What are the Basics? We'll first off you need to make sure your priorities are straight. Defuse the myths, and understand the realities, the pure facts from the get go. Some people may consider this being negative, but I believe someone could have prepared me better for what actually was going to occur and laid out the height of emotional and factual realities in order to deal with them. I'll expand on these in the following chapters.

Since you're the step mom it's natural to assume your husband is the one with the biological kids.
Therefore you're first priority under God is your husband, as you should be his first priority as well. Secondly it's your kids, all of them equally, and thirdly is your family and friends, so on and so forth. Now if you have done any research on step mothering you will get a truck load of advice from all corners of the globe and much of it ends up contradicting each other.

My opinion is simply that, my opinion. I may ruffle feathers and fuel debates, but from my experience and grueling lessons learned with much thought and study, I believe my opinions matter.

First, you have to understand the REALITY of the world in which we live. It does not compare to the world culture of the bibilical times. The reality is that, sadly, the culture we live in is a feministic, liberal socitey! Women are strong, intelligent creatures who handle everything and receive all the praise and honor and quite a bit of pity from society for having to deal with messes they have largely created through their decisions to take the God given MALE role away from men and be "equal" or better than any man. After touching on reality, well move forward to the myths.

Myth # 1. Loving your step kids like your own will bring everyone together.


Myth #2. If you befriend the child/children's biological mom, everything will run smoothly.


Myth # 3. Make everything as easy as possible for the kids, "they are the #1 Priority".


Myth #4. Having more children after the divorce only creates more issues.


Myth #5 Telling the truth is always best.

New Beginnings

Starting this blog, is really my book.
This book is not a 'cure all', a 'how to' or your solution book. It is simply my thoughts, ideas, frustrations and examples of what helped me and hurt me as a step mom. I read heavily on this subject before becoming a step mom, and while somewhat helpful, the books and articles I read, never captured the realistic struggles, the emotional battles, and simplistic joys that come with the role of step mothering. And maybe my book won't either, but at least it may help others not fall into the traps I did. The Bible has many situations in it involving blended families, but it is hard to mix issues and cultures of that era comparatively to the present day we live in. But it can be seen clearly why God hates divorce and broken families, it was not by His design, it creates much confusion and heartache, but He does bless those who seek Him and seek the wisdom and understanding He will give. Once something is broken, you can try to put it back together, but there are pieces that can never fully be mended. But God promises comfort.
In someway I hope this book may guide the readers journey of step mothering into having a better experience than I did. I had to learn many things the hard way, when if I had been guided better, it would have had a different outcome in many situations. Every blended family situation is different so there can't possibly be one book that covers it all, but there seem to be some basic issues that most step mom's encounter. I didn't find any help in these areas and this is what I plan on revealing through out this book. So get ready to take some notes, get some kleenex and be ready to laugh as well, while I take you through my journey thus far.